It’s easy to focus on the grand gestures—the big trips, the surprise parties, the love songs—and think those are what define a strong relationship. It can be truly tough not to put so much weight on these when that’s all we see on our social media feeds.
But a genuinely strong relationship isn’t built on a few huge (and rare) gifts. Instead, it’s built on a series of small, intentional gestures.
When we get so busy juggling our ambitions and career goals, it’s easy to let the moments of little connection slip away.
But the cliche holds true: you have to choose your partner every day.
So today let’s focus on those tiny, meaningful gestures that go a long way for impacting your relationship wellbeing to show appreciation, build trust, and truly see the people you care about.
The Power of Presence
The single most powerful gesture you can offer is your presence.
Our goal here is to move beyond the transactional and the complacency that we sometimes find ourselves stuck in
Be involved in the day-to-day. Ask your partner how their day was. When they start talking, put your phone face down during the conversation, no matter how short, to signal that this conversation is important to you.
Listen for the feeling, not just the facts: Instead of just processing the information (e.g., They had a long meeting), listen for the emotion (e.g., They sound stressed or frustrated). You can then respond by reflecting the feeling: “That sounds incredibly draining,” or “I can tell you’re really excited about that project!” (aka reflective listening, a communication tool that helps your partner feel validated and understood.)
Your efforts with these gestures will show you truly see them beyond the surface level.
Get Curious
Think back to the time you were still in your dating phase when you asked a million and one questions to try to get to know your partner. Why did that end?
There’s always something new to learn about the one you love, so choose to ask questions again.
Your partner will see your effort to understand how they see the world, and it shows you value their perspective, not just your own.
You’ll be surprised how much connection even trivial questions and topics can bring to your relationship.
Instead of the usual, “How was work?” try these high-value question starters this week:
- “If you had an extra, totally free hour today, how would you intentionally spend it?”
- “What’s one small thing you got done today that made you feel successful or like you won?”
- “What’s been on your mind lately that you haven’t mentioned yet?”
Show “I’m thinking of you”
One of the smallest yet most effective ways to bring meaningful connection is to do something that says, “I’m thinking of you.”
These tiny gestures are like an anchor, reminding your partner they occupy a worthwhile, positive space in your mind, even when you’re apart.
Pick up their favorite coffee on your way home. Share the emotional load by taking over one of your partner’s small, recurring chores without being asked. Share an Instagram post or article on a topic they love.
These gestures show you’re listening, and your partner will pick up on it.
Express Gratitude
Take a moment to voice your appreciation. This moves the relationship into a more positive feedback loop.
“I just want to say thanks for doing [small thing]—it genuinely helped me today.”
The small thing can be as simple as unloading the dishwasher, refilling your water bottle, or tidying up the counter. But gratitude shows you’re paying attention and appreciating the countless small efforts your partner makes for you.
Plus, gratitude is proven to have positive effects on all aspects of a relationship, so why not hack your brain at the same time?
Be Specific: Instead of a generic “Thanks for everything you do,” try, “Thank you for getting the house ready for the week. Knowing you handled the laundry means I can focus on my creative work tonight.” This validates their specific effort and demonstrates what it means to you.
Reminisce
Share a short, positive memory you have of them or a time you shared. And it doesn’t need to be your wedding day—it could be the time you laughed over a silly mistake in the kitchen.
By actively pulling a positive memory forward, you are reinforcing the narrative of your shared journey.
It shows you cherish the process of your relationship over time and enjoy sharing your life with them, reminding you both of the deep connection you share beneath the day-to-day chaos.
Remember, you don’t need to have everything perfectly lined up to start building genuine strength in your relationships. Just choose one small gesture that sparks your interest, take that first messy, imperfect step, and then the next. Momentum and connection will follow.
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